The "Confidence" Thing

WavLOG

The "Confidence" Thing

I just got a comment from a surfer in Australia about thanking me writing about the fear. Funny because lately I have also been thinking about the confidence thing, which is either exactly or almost other side of the coin from the fear.

I would say so because as more we conquer the fear the more we become confident.

I am now remembering the first day out at Montara, and I paddled out and I thought that I could never be able to come back to the land. I paddled out with other better surfers when I only had just a few sessions under my belt. Quickly I was pulled away from the comfort of being able to sand on the shallow water, and the panic ensued. I was frantically trying to paddle back, but no matter how hard I tried to paddle I felt like I was getting away from the shore.

Remembering that day from where I am today, it was a sunny clean day without much wave action. But, I do remember that day clearly, and I did think that it would be a horrible day for me and my friend when they would have to call the Coast Guard or something to come rescue me.

Though the fear was mostly inside my brain. I did manage to paddle back to the shore. It was probably only the first 5 minutes that seemed like forever as the shore did not come closer, but once I saw the shore closing in, I felt much better.

At that time, I thought and admired many people having so much confidence in being able to paddle out much further out in the ocean.

Many years later in a local bigger break, a big wave was braking and it was too late to paddle to the outside. The only option was for me to bail (throw the board to the shore just in time -- normally we should not be doing this sort of things, but there was nobody around me so I felt that that was the best thing for me to do.) Instead of my leg being dragged under water, the board slipped away, the leash came undone and I could not find the board. This is probably one of the worst case scenario where it is bigger, stronger and I was already fairly way out. By this session though, I was confident enough that I can swim toward the "zone" so that I can take advantage of incoming wave and I can also take my time getting back there. Still a bit scary, I could keep my calm and slowly swam away from the rip current and toward the shore. Sure enough, in no time I was standing back on the beach and picking up the washed up board, and paddling back out after resting a bit from the swimming. This is where years of short boarding have been really helpful.

Should I have panicked at that moment the situation could have been worse, but I did feel a true sense of confidence.

Sizes of the wave is the same thing. I am now starting to look forward to the days when the swell period is more than 14 or 15 seconds and height can be more than 10 ft. Just a few years ago, I was hoping that it won't get that big. Of course, for many real surfers that probably would be on a smaller on scale, but I know where and when to hit breaks when the situation is like that and how to position myself to enjoy catching waves. The confidence in this area comes from a lot more experience in the wave. Frankly I have not changed too much physically in the past 2-3 years, but my minds are more set to deal with these types of situations, and as a result, I am not particularly struggling to "show off" how strong of a surfer I have gotten, but it is more like part of the environment, like a cat that can easily jump several times over their height, so as a result I am enjoying a wider variety of conditions.

The process was definitely not overnight type thing for me. I do say that I have been working on it on a very gradual basis, but I did identify the various causes of the fear along the way and worked specifically on them.

One of the worst fears that I had for the longest time was that I would get carried away by some strong current and swept away even on days when it is calm and clean, and the more I think about it the more fearful I have gotten. There are one or two news stories like those in a year that usually happen in Pacific Northwest on huge Alaskan swell days (I know enough about it that I won't go out on these types of conditions.) What actually helped me on these fears was that when my board came apart a few times and in all times, I was able to get to the shore in a short time and realized that these types of the fears are not really warranted under the situations I would go out. Also as I have been writing off and on, surfing with other stronger surfers provide additional opportunities to expose myself into the "next level" situations and once I do those a few times, my fear levels tend to go lower.

I know many of you are like me, but I think that with identifying your own fears and then work on them gradually would go a long way in overcoming the fear, and I am using this in my other real life scenarios outside of surfing.

Have fun!

Advise: Maintaining A Couple's Balance

On my previous post, I have started on covering a maintenance of a relationship and surfing.

First of all, I do not understand what is the difference between surfing and any other life endeavors, such as going to a gym or going jogging every day, getting an MBA, or getting a CISCO CCNA certification from evening classes so many times a week? Do many people realize this? I frankly don't think they do when it comes to surfing.

Because in general surfing is still considered something of a sport of the degenerates, bums or dirtbags or whatever it comes to their minds. May be that's a strong statement, but you know what I mean, and if you don't, you probably quit the sport and focus on finding something that you two can do together.

I will give you another example. I was checking in to a flight from SFO to San Diego (CA) a few years back with my 6'6 surf board which probably weigh less than a baby cart. There was a guy in front of me checking in what seems to be a 24-set golf bag. The agent pass him though free without any hassle, but when it came to my surfboard, I had to pay $80 each way! The flight was $145 RT. I've talked to other people about this, and often skis and even bikes can get through. Why? Again, I think surfing is still not familiar to a lot of people.

So the first thing is that your partner should understand the sport and your passion a bit better. It is really healthy and safe sport if it is done properly. Surfing is said to be only sport that even professional surfers do not need to routinely engage in other supplemental exercises. If the partner is willing to, take the partner to a surf lesson at a comfortable atmosphere such as in Waikiki beach (seriously, Waikiki is the place, and while you are there be sure to visit Bishop Museum.)

Also sharing the stoke though movies produced for mass consumption, like "Riding Giants" and "Endless Summer" series movies can almost stoke any peoples mind. I know they did to both my mom and my mother in law. Just ask them to sit down for an 90 minutes or so and watch these movies.

Next step is really to set an expectation to both yourself and your partner. This really goes with many things in life, and especially in business world. But you set an expectation and commit to it, and establish a quality record that you can reproduce the same result every time.

For example, you could say, your surfing time is Saturdays between 7:00 and 12:00 and you will be back by 12:00. Never deviate from this pattern, especially in the beginning. Set an example and establish a history that you can deliver on your commitment. It is the lack of certainty that really makes the people bothered. I understand there might be even after-surfing obligations such as lunch, dinner or a drink, but again, set an expectation to those who are joining you on a session that you need to take off, allowing enough time to change and drive back home. When you say you will be back in 12:00 that should mean that you can fully engage in the activity with your partner at that time. It does not mean that you are back at home at 12:00 and there can be undetermined amount of time before you two can move on to other activity. Even if there is no planned activity, you commit that you are going to fully available then.

Along the way, you may encounter some failure which will cause some doubts, so especially in the beginning, be really careful. May be for the first few outings don't even go to the surf spot, but get to somewhere, say a local surf shop, and get back on time. Again, setting a pattern and expectation is very very powerful thing. Caught "in bad traffic" is not an excuse you use in the first several times as you establish a good history, even if it is true. Perhaps, after 12th outing, that can become believable.

Also, even though you are sure that the partner is not interested in coming, always make sure that your partner is invited anytime you go, and even ask if your partner can take pictures, videos or help select a new equipment at the store. Or schedule a next event back to back, for example, go surfing in Santa Cruz, then go shop and eat dinner at Pacific Ave in Santa Cruz or Santana Row in San Jose.

You can also give your partner the car key, and ask that the partner to get back 2 hours. This works especially well if you also have another friend with you with a cell phone, or at the worst case take you back home.

I am sure that your partner has his or her own passion or activity too. Why not point that out and ask the partner to do the same. Life is a two-way street.

I've seen situations where people turn their hobby completely ON or OFF, sometime as a demonstration of a protest; I am giving this up too so you can be happier. I think that's seriously misguided way of handling things.

Of course, anything is a matter of priority and your preference. May be surfing is not all that important to you. In that case I think it is good to go ahead and quit. Get rid of all your equipment and cancel your Surfline and Stokemaster memberships.

But if surfing has became your passion then you do have to return to surf on a consistent basis otherwise there is no progress for your own. This is basically the same class of things as you becoming devoted in a religion, a acquiring a new degree or technical certification. What if you told your partner that you are going to take evening classes for some time to enrich your education for a better quality of life. And how does that differ from surfing. Again, under most circumstances, I think you agree that surfing will keep you healthy both physically and mentally!

Always remember that most people operate with the following core agenda;

• I do not want to be excluded.
• I do not want to have uncertainties.
  

If it is important to you, you owe your self a big life to explain that to your partner and gain the full support.

Session 7055, Have 90-min A Day of Own Passion

I did not go to the spot in the picture because I would have been alone, and I really don't like it when I hear the barking of a seal. It freaks me out that I could be entering a food chain drama already taking place. It is best left alone and move on where there are more people so there would be statistically lower chance of entering the eco-system. Though if the nature says "Today you are going to be a food", then I would certainly hope that it would be a fast-food customer rather than on those 2-hour meal customer. Measuring 5'6 at 140 lbs bearing a plastic and rubber I would think that I won't be a Neiman ranch quality...

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O...K... Sorry about the diversion. Yes, I had another fun morning. Especially early on the waves were fairly good shape. My F4 Quad worked out good, though, I really should have had a long board, or even a full fledged fish. Why? Because I think that the initial glide and speed is very important for keep going. You could sit inside, but most inside waves get bounced off the the backwashing waves and just simply do not happen. The outside waves are mushy enough that I just don't get that last jolt of the impulse power that I need to get going... surfing is tricky in these regards.

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Is surfing an obsession for me? This topic comes up a lot. I also get questions from other people about "How can you go every day?", "Are you not married?"

So, I must say that surfing for me is a passion. It is a passion for me to be healthy, and it is a passion for me to find out more about myself, and how I can really relate to the nature. These are actually fairly difficult thing to articulate but this blog is one way for me to really reflect on that sort of things.

In terms of how I can stay being married, I must say that I do have a very understanding wife, but then it is not a one-way thing. I also understand and support her passion too. We each respect that. I support her in all respects, and we respect each others passions too so when I am engaged in my passionate activities she does not need to get involved, and vise versa. But then we also do things that would accommodate both our needs. When we go to Orange county or La Jolla, I surf then we also go to museums and restaurants.

After all, I cannot be surfing all day. In fact for me surfing is a 90-min a day thing. Kind of like the daily prayer a buddhist priest would do in the morning in front of the alter. Once in a water I will do my best to catch as many waves as possible. Try to be focused at the same time let the nature take me to where it let me go. I am exhausted at the end, but then happy too.

When that's over then the rest 22.5 hours are for both of us. So when I go to, say, the Trestles, we both go down the path and she would watch or read her books. When the 90 min is over then we head out to go lunch, go to museums, go to Balboa park or the Zoo or do things like that we both enjoy. In the evening, why not go see a movie or just go have some drinks! If I am back at home, she can go shopping at Pacific Ave in SC. Or when I came back from surfing we eat lunch together and head out for MoMA and then a movie at Metreon. We have plenty of time and plenty of things to do together. Surfing does not get in the way, really.

Also I must say that I am fortunate enough to live within a waking distance from the ocean therefore, even if I need to drive to a surf spot it is matter of 10-15 minutes and not hours. But I also made a choice to live close to the ocean and made every effort to the goal. It took me about 30 or more years to get to the stage where I can say that I am a part of the coast side community. But I did make that effort.

So I think that you can be creative and arrange your life around your passion as its core driving force of your life.

Reflections: Staying Healthy - Ultimate Durg to Self

I have not been in the water for a while. The cough and soar throat thing came back last Saturday, and finally I am feeling a bit better. But it really sucks.

We often know from the experience that when we are sick, we really appreciate the time when we are healthy. This morning when I woke up, I felt pretty good, almost like I could jump in the water. It is actually amazing to really revisit this "feeling good" feeling is. You know, for example, we all take some medication to relieve pain or cough or whatever, and we begin to feel a bit better, but feeling completely healthy can't beat these slightly elevated effects.

To this effect, I must say that being completely healthy is like being on the ultimate drugs, and no drugs can really produce that effect even though we are bombarded with information otherwise from the advertising media.

So life-time exercise like surfing is really the way we can stay fit and healthy. I tend to trust the studies about reduced onset of memory loss to preventing back pains through being active.

Reflections for Non-Surfing Day: Calmness and Activity

Our Zen Teacher D.T. Suzuki once wrote,

We say, "In calmness there should be activity; ' in activity there should be calmness." Actually, they are the same thing; to say "calmness" or to say "activity" is just to express different interpretations of one fact. There is harmony in our activity, and where there is harmony there is calmness.

When we get out to, paddling into, and catch "big for me" waves, our minds really need to stay calm while we try to act one of the most active of the sport.